Chaos pygmies

I am a bit mad.  The new army that I am building is scratch sculpted chaos dwarves that use common dwarf rules.  It is basically a dwarf slayer army with crossbow and bolt thrower shooting and most of the army is unbreable with no armor but everything has at least str 5 in HtH. While I made several minis I am also working on an army book for them.  The story is done as is some of the artwork.  What my plan is to give out a souvoneer copy of the book to my tourny opponents.  The story is long but I hope you guys like it.

We’s use ta be called dwarfs nots no mores. All start when shining black rock falls from sky in green fire.  No bodies cares bout it at first.  Laters black rocks makes changes. No notice dat first.  Laters Ullu folks gets real hungry like.  Da hungers makes pain real bad in da bellys.  Dem Ullu folks eats everything ‘cept  da stinky mon-kays ause dey stinky too much.  Aniways, we’s runs outs of da foods.  Nut’in left ta doo buts eats each other.  Ullu folks much taste better dan what’s we’s eatin’ before.  Only strong Ullu left livin.   ‘Fore long would be anybodies left ‘cept da black rock wakes up.  It haves eyes and faces like Ullu.  Da rock tells us “Don’t to eats each other unless gots nut’in else ‘cause plenty of fresh meats ‘bout ta go round.”

Black rock makes best sense so we’s makes it da god of da Ullu.  God gets hungers too so we’s feeds him. God’s sad black skin goes away and gets have red skin.  God ask us to call him Ungar, so we’s do.  Ungar shows us how ta use da fires to makes da meats tastier, especially when the meats screams out in thanks for being so tasty


Good livin fore a while.  Make peace wit dem stinky mon-keys but soon runs out of meats.  Unger says more meats over da mountains, so we’s goes lookin fore tasties.  MMmmm. 


Ain’t gots many friends ‘cept da stinkys.  Des good friends but no tastes good.  Ullus no eat every-dings, poo-poo tastes real bad.  Stinkys like ta throw da poo poo and dat make em okay.  Hand of mon-key poo like arrow from crossbow when thrown at enemies.  Da stinkys good friends ‘cause U can always wash poo-poo right off without spoiling da meats.


Not all meats same.  Some real tasty others only kinda tasty.



Pointy eared ‘impy guys barely gots meats on dem but dey tastes super delicious.  Some really ‘ard to catch cause des hiding in da woods.  Others are real angry.  But deys some stupid ones dat dress real shiny and stand right in front, deys da tastiest.  Da shinny guys gots magic rocks as der friends so we’s gots to rely on Unger to protects us.



Da green guys been fighting wit us for long time and we’s don’t likes them one bit.  Dey tastes grisly and don’t say many thanks when being roasted.  Normally, we’s not kill dem but its too fun not too. Unger gets real happy like when green guys dies.



Dere lots of types of bony guys.  Some are crunchy like beef jerkeys. Others are all bone and are fun to crew on.  But da bestest ones suck out da blood and are nice and juicy.  Dese blood sucking guy are hard ta catch cause da good at kill like da Ullu.  When we’s catch one of dem it’s a special day.  Da tribe leaders gather to fight and see who gets da meats.  One guy wins and the other guys tastes real good.  Mmm.



Des guys come in assorted flavors.  Some so talls dat dey touch da skies wit der ‘eads.  Des called Giants. Others are medium guys dat likes ta eats a lot too.  Des called Ooo-gars. We’s thinks des guys are okay and don’t fights dem much cause dey worship Ungars sis-dah and dey call her Maw.  Dem deres da small wimpy Ooo-mans dat are da easiest ta kill and taste just right.  We’s likes ta eats des guys da best.



Ders also lots of furry guys ta eats.  Some look like cows others like rats.  But dey alls tasty.   Da rat guys are trick ta catch cause dey run and have magics rocks.  Da beasty guys don’t like dying much and puts up good fights.  But we’s eats dem all anyways.



Da scaly guys are rough and come already seasoned.  Dey are best eaten wit a mug of ale.  Since da Ullu love ale, da Izzies are one of da best meats.  Izzies are tricky ta catch.  Dey got shiny rocks and put up good fights.  No matters though Ullu gots ta do what dey gots ta do.


Des guys used ta be our brah-ders.  Dey are likes us but all nicey-nice. Dey shoots at us when we’s tries to says hi.  Dey even sent dis guy in a sky boat to check on us.  We’s eats dwarves likes da rest.  And dey tastes pretty good.  Dat sky boat guy is gonna be da next meal, soon as we’s can figure out how ta catch him.


Der are lots of other meats out der just wait’in ta be discovered.  World like an all U can eat buffet.  Life’s good ta Ullu.
The best recipe in 5 easy steps

We’s Ullu have tired many ways to make meats da most tasty.  After much hard work we’s found da single best way ta prepare da meats in five simple steps.

1. Catch da meats

- U’s eating each other otherwise.

2.  Tenderize da meats

- Meat tastes better when deys nice and soft.  Gots ta be careful nots ta kill da meats just yet

3. Offer da meats ta Unger

- Unger blesses da meats wit seasoning and makes it tastes more better.

4. Cooks da meats

- meats always tastes better when dey screams.

5. Eats da meats

- dis part is das best one cause ya gets ta enjoy all da ‘ard work.

Well dats it.  Hope dat ya enjoys being a cannibal.  Remember dat ders a little bit of Unger in all of us.

Awesome fluff. I'd love to see pics of these guys!

Ghworg

Glad to hear you like the fluff.  I'm gonna post some pics later in the month and hopefully I can get the pics of the boook scanned and insert them in the gaps so everybody can see the completed book.  I just finished my dwarf gyrocopter today.  Since chaos pygmies don't really have technology, the gyro pilot is a would be tomb raider.  Fluff wise I could think of no character better to represent my idea other than Indiana Jones.  So I made a dwarf Indiana pilot.  I don't paint that well but he is one of the favorite models I made.  My kids like him too and think he is a toy.  I had to hide him so they would stop playing with Indy when I wasn't looking.