A Poem (yes a poem!)

I thought I would share with you all a poem I wrote today as I had some rare spare time. I'm not specifically looking for improvements or criticism, but feedback is welcome if you desire to share it!

Autumn

Every time, when the dark Autumn comes,
Leaves start to fall and my words start to fail.
Wind in its world of roiling excess
Awakens not an inch of my skin now grown pale.
I live alone in a world of so many;
The phantom, the spectre, the lost.
When all that’s left is the space empty inside me,
How can I not wait for Winter’s frost?
Gone are the smiles, the laughter and play,
The fragments I see each time that I blink,
Replaced with a nightmare, a singular nothing,
A numbness that won’t let me think.
‘Life goes on’ is a catchphrase of mine.
I know it’s been years and months and some days;
I still say things by rote, words not quite in line,
Is it still life mumbling in my malaise?
I am merely a tree, and one among many,
My bark growing weaker, my leaves slowly browning.
Autumn again and my soul starts to crumble,
Without your life water I’m slowly drowning.
Catch snippets in rainfall, windows to you,
Memories of a time long since past.
You were older then, than you are to me now,
A mere girl who’s life played too fast.
The others remember, the others recite;
Delicate tales of my apple that laughed,
But as soon as they leave, they put you aside,
And I am left peeled, cored and halved.
‘It just takes some time’, ‘she’d want you to live’,
‘You can’t just keep mourning forever’.
Their costumed charade for forgetting your face,
I say to them never, never, never!
If I am a gardener and I plant a seed,
I feed it, water it and watch it grow,
When that seed is nurtured and loved, truly loved,
My heart will blossom and it’s love I will know.
That seed is my being, my prize and my worth,
Without it, I’m a hapless, haunted husk.
My seed was stolen from my mornings and nights,
Leaving me lonely ‘til dawn dines with dusk.
A young babe in Spring, young girl in summer,
A teen living life until Autumn.
Long may you laugh, play with leaves in the wind,
For even with Winter you won’t be forgotten.

by SLE



This is the intellectual property of the person represented by the forum name Belchfist Beastkiller any misuse of this property will be dealt with appropriately

I love the disclaimer

On a serious note, the poem is really inspired Belch. I was once an aspiring poet myself - had some stuff published once upon a time - but those days are long behind me now. I wish I could give some form of technical feedback, but I'm afraid I have lost my touch. I'm a big fan of the more developed lexis you use, and your sentence structure and form is great

Is the subject matter theoretical or personal?

JJ

Interesting poem. I like it!

I'm in no way qualified to give feedback on the poem, but I really like the sentence structure. It just works! Good stuff

- Loran