Ambush at Rorik Pass

The creaking and whistling of the trees in the wind was deafened by the grumbling of stomachs as the Gnarl Gut tribe wait along the Rorik pass.  The shadows of the ogres loomed over the road as the sun set in the west.  Days have we waited as the gnoblars we brought along as a food supply bickered back and forth over the few scraps and crumbs of their own recently butchered corpses.  We had traveled long to wait for this caravan to resupply our tribe, though the maw has guided us along the way.  Several attempts had been made over the last few weeks but the dim witted ogres had naught return, perhaps they had been successful and decided to keep the spoils all to themselves, or perhaps they died in the name of the great maw.  Either case, master decided it was time for him to make a trip as he has grown hungry as the tribe is running low on gnoblars that we have turned to eating in lack of supplies as they seem to make for a good stew.



**MORE TO COME** 

I'm going go through the whole thing bit by bit because it's short enough for me to do it

The creaking and whistling of the trees in the wind was deafened by the grumbling of stomachs as the Gnarl Gut tribe wait along the Rorik pass.  The shadows of the ogres loomed over the road as the sun set in the west.  Days have we waited as the gnoblars we brought along as a food supply bickered back and forth over the few scraps and crumbs of their own recently butchered corpses Up until this point, it's not bad (there are some bits that could stand to be rewritten), but the switch in PoV is jarring. Either separate the sections, or make it much clearer.  We had traveled long to wait for this caravan to resupply our tribe, though the maw has guided us along the way.This is either unclear, or poorly written. I can't tell if the travel was long because, or in spite, of the Maw's help.  Several attempts had been made over the last few weeks but the dim witted ogres had naught return, perhaps they had been successful and decided to keep the spoils all to themselves, or perhaps they died in the name of the great maw.I believe I understand what's happening- small groups of ogres have been traveling out (from where?) to go get food (to where?), and haven't returned (either because they were killed or because they got greedy).  Either case, master decided it was time for him to make a trip as he has grown hungry as the tribe is running low on gnoblars that we have turned to eating in lack of supplies as they seem to make for a good stew. This is the sentence most in need of rewriting. There are changes in PoV and tense. As it starts out, I understand what is happening (the leader is starting to decide to led his ogres out (to where? Why not before?), and then it devolves into confusion

Hope that helps. I'm by no means a new Hemingway (or heck, even a Tolkien), but I can tell what isn't great.